Downward spiral
by LMXB
Summary: As Kara struggles to deal with the pain and loss in her life her behaviour gets more destructive. Set a few days after the Season Two finale.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Supergirl or the characters.

 **A/N:** This is set a few days after the end of season 2. It is a short story loosely based on a prompt by blaze0091. It will be angsty and does refer to alcohol and drug/chemical abuse.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Kara asked when she finally opened her front door.

"You weren't answering your phone and you didn't show up for work. I was worried about you." Alex said.

"After everything aren't I entitled to a day off?"

"After everything, you can have as much time off as you want. I just wanted to make sure you knew you don't have to do this alone."

"Kinda do." Kara said. "It's not like I have anyone to share this with, not after I made the planet uninhabitable for him."

"You will always have me." Alex said.

"Really? Because right now it doesn't feel like it. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Alex asked confused.

"You and Maggie being engaged."

"How did you…I was waiting until you were in a better place. We haven't told anyone. I wanted to tell you first, but I wasn't going to do that while you were in pain."

"Well right now pain in my new norm. Alex I appreciate you trying to help, but there is nothing you can do. I need to get through this by myself. Go and live your life. You deserve it."

"Kara-"

"Please Alex, just give me space."

-00-

"How's Kara?" Maggie asked as Alex returned home.

"Really low. I've seen her down before, but she has never shut herself off like this. She needs people round her, she always has, but it is like she thinks she has to do this alone."

"Why don't you spend the evening with her?"

"She made it clear she didn't want to see me."

"That maybe what she wants, but it's not what she needs. And for all her superpowers there is something you are, and always will be, better than her at."

"What's that?"

"Stubbornness."

"Hey! I'm not that bad."

"Yeah, you are far worse." Maggie smiled. "Seriously go be with your sister."

"You sure you don't mind? I mean we've not even gone out to celebrate yet."

"We have the rest of our lives for that. Right now Kara needs you. Go."

"Thanks. You the best." Alex said kissing her before leaving.

-00

When Alex got to Kara's apartment she banged on the door but got no response. Having shouted an unheeded warning that she would use her key, Alex finally entered the apartment. As she stepped inside she was shocked and mortified at the carnage. Kara's art equipment was lying smashed in the corner and the couch was overturned.

Fearing Kara had been attacked Alex pulled out her phone and tracked her sister's phone. Locating it at the Dive Bar Alex relaxed slightly. She then had one more look at the apartment before locking up and heading to the bar.

-00-

As she approached the bar, the barman immediately said as he pointed to the far corner.

"Over there."

Following his finger Alex approached the booth and saw Kara downing another glass of something.

"Hey Kara."

"Al...al...ex….so tall up there."

"What you doing?" Alex asked needlessly.

"Trying...to, um to...forget."

"Forget what?"

"Everything." She slurred.

"This isn't the way."

"Works for you." Kara slurred before hiccuping.

"Never works." Alex said. "I think I need to get you home."

"Nope."

"Why?"

"I...feel close to Mon-El, here….I mean he slept with half the cliental before me." Kara hiccuped again. "Then I poisoned him and banished him."

"I can't imagine what you are feeling, but what you did saved millions. It was the right thing."

"Being right sucks. Now I see the appeal of being a Bond villain."

"You don't mean that." Alex said before tugging Kara to her feet. "Come on let's get you home." She added as she tried to guide Kara to her car.

-00-

"Hey." Alex greeted as Kara stumbled from her bedroom the next morning. "How are you feeling?"

"Crap." Kara said before asking. "Why are you here?"

"I was worried about you."

"I'll be fine."

"I'm not so sure. You got pretty drunk last night."

"Learnt from the best." Kara said looking at Alex.

Ignoring the dig Alex said. "There's something you need to know."

"What?"

"Last night a huge fire ripped through a pleasure cruise boat. Over thirty people died, including four children. The media are kind of attacking Supergirl for not turning up."

"She deserves the criticism." Kara said bitterly.

"No she doesn't."

"Yes she does. Mon-El's mother, Mon-El, now thirty innocent people. I'm a screw up."

"No you're not. Kara I know you are in a dark place right now. But it will get better."

"As much as I appreciate the pep talk I have to go to work." Kara said disappearing in a blur. As she reentered the room a few moments later fully dressed she added. "Lock up behind you." With that she left, leaving Alex sitting helplessly in the couch.

-00-

"Gracing us with your presence again?" Cat asked walking out onto her balcony that evening and seeing Supergirl.

"Ms Grant." Supergirl said.

"Where were you?" Cat asked.

"The truth?"

"Always a refreshing change in today's world."

"I got drunk."

"I assumed you couldn't."

"Special alien alcohol." Supergirl shrugged.

"Why?"

"I was tired and sad and in pain. I wanted to forget. Only I got too drunk. When the fire hit I was completely inebriated."

"I've told you before you don't have the luxury of disappearing. If you want to give up being Supergirl no one could blame you. You have already saved the Earth, twice, and beaten your cousin. But if you intend to remain as Supergirl you have to be better than this. You can't afford to have bad days, to get drunk. You have to be better than us."

"I know. But it's hard."

"Of that I have no doubt. It's also not fair. But that's the world we live in. Out there you can't afford to show weakness or a human side. You have to be untouchably good, almost infallible." Seeing Supergirl nod she went on. "But here on this balcony you can be as human as you want. I will always be here for you."

"Thank you." Supergirl said before hearing Alex's voice on her earpiece. "I have to go."

"Of course." Cat nodded before watching Supergirl disappear. With that she returned to her office and summoned Eve.

"Yes Ms Grant?" Eve said rushing into the office.

"Schedule me a weekly appointment with Kara Danvers starting tomorrow."

"Of course. What should I say the subject is?"

"You shouldn't. Last I checked she worked for CatCo and whilst I'm in charge I have the right to see any employee without reason."

"Yes Ms Grant." Eve said, unsure if she should warn Kara.

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	2. Chapter 2

– _ **A week later**_

"Good morning Ms Grant." Kara said breezing into her office. "I have those interviews you asked for and a draft of the story on local government corruption."

"You seem more like your annoying old self." Cat commented as she took the folder from Kara before indicating that her former assistant should sit.

"Well I took your advice." Kara said as she took a seat.

"Which piece?" Cat asked.

"Taking control of my life. Overcoming obstacles." Kara said enthusaiatically.

"Just like that?"

"Kind of. Helped by a realisation."

"If your next words are 'happiness is a state of mind' I will consider throwing you out of the window." Cat warned her words causing Kara to stiffen slightly before forcing a smile and explaining.

"It's not that. You once told me I had to find the anger behind the anger and then channel it towards kickboxing. It's kind of the same now. I started to try to explore the reasons behind the anger and the sadness. It was then that I realised that I wasn't actually feeling pain or anger, I was just feeling numb. So I started to try to figure out why and then when I did that I could start feeling again and I worked out a way to not only feel but also release all the buried emotions in a controlled way."

"Well it definitely appears to be working." Cat commented, not entirely believing Kara's explanation.

"It is." Kara smiled.

"In my experience these things come in waves." Cat said.

"I'm confident when the next wave hits I'll be ready."

"I admire your optimism." Cat said concerned that Kara was over simplifying life.

"If there's nothing else I need to hand a draft to Snapper."

"Go, go." Cat said waving Kara off. But as she watched Kara leave she frowned with concern.

-00-

"Hey." Kara said when Alex opened her front door that evening.

"Kara?" Alex greeted confused to see her sister.

"Sorry. Do you want me to go? I thought you'd invited me."

"I did. But you never showed for the last eight invites." Alex pointed out.

"I'm sorry." Kara said.

"Don't apologise. I'm just worried about you."

"I know. I just needed time. I needed to figure things out. I needed to do that alone."

"But you're ready to let me in now?" Alex asked.

"Yes." Kara said as Alex drew her in for a hug.

"I've missed you." Alex said.

"I missed you too."

"Hey Kara." Maggie smiled as she came to the door before asking. "Are you coming in?"

"Only if that's okay. I don't want to interrupt anything."

"Of course it's okay. I'm just asking as you two have been hovering in the door way for five minutes."

"Slight exaggeration there." Alex said turning to face Maggie who just shrugged.

As Kara followed Alex and Maggie into the apartment she said as she handed over a bag. "This is for you two."

"What's this?" Alex asked.

"Engagement present." Kara said.

"You didn't have to."

"Of course I did. But I haven't really had time to get you anything decent so this is just something to tie you over until I find something better. It's more for Maggie's benefit." Kara said as Alex opened the box and pulled out a smoke detector.

"My cooking is getting better." Alex protested.

"Couldn't really get much worse." Kara pointed out.

"Hey!" Alex said as Kara smiled.

"Is that a smile?" Alex asked.

"Maybe." Kara confirmed. "I'm sorry I've not been the easiest person to be round recently. Thank you for not giving up on me."

"I will never give up on you." Alex said hugging her again.

"So have you two made any plans yet?" Kara asked as she pulled away.

"Not really." Alex said.

"Why not? It's been like two weeks."

"We're still figuring out what we want." Alex replied.

"Well let me know if you need help." Kara said enthusiastically.

"We will." Maggie said as Alex commented.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure you're okay? You seem like your old self."

"Is that bad?" Kara asked.

"No it's good. Just a surprise, you've been really withdrawn recently." Alex pointed out.

"I'm fine." Kara said. "I've turned over a new leaf. Time to start living again." She smiled as her phone buzzed. "Sorry, it's a message from Winn. There's an armed robbery. I need to go. I'll see you later." Kara said before disappearing in a blur.

"She seemed….better." Maggie said one Kara had left.

"She did." Alex agreed. "And I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but did she seem a little too good?"

"Kind of." Maggie agreed.

"It's good that she's happy. But she was so miserable yesterday." Alex said.

"What ever you did helped."

"I didn't do anything. She has been avoiding all of us. I mean seriously yesterday she was so detached we thought about locking her in a cell and forcing her to talk. Then just now, well you saw her. How can she change so quickly?" Alex asked.

"I hate to ask this, but when she has her powers she can't actually do drugs can she?"

"No. And Kara wouldn't anyway. Especially after she couldn't save those kids because she was drunk." Alex said. "But I'm worried she has decided to bottle everything up and pretend everything is normal. She's really good at that. But if she doesn't find a release she'll….."

"Lose it?"

"Maybe. I mean she has been through so much she has to break sometime." Alex said frowning.

"What was she like when she first came to Earth?" Maggie asked after a few minutes.

"Sad, confused, overwhelmed. But she's always had this light about her. Even during the darkest times. Sometimes it's like she suddenly rediscovers that light and she can just shine through her problems."

"But you don't think that's what she's doing this time?"

"I don't know. It could be. But it's just when it's happened before, she's had this outward happy personality, but deep down she was still sad and suffering. But she'd talk to me and eventually she was happy inside and out. But she hasn't talked to me or Winn or J'onn or James."

"Lena?" Maggie suggested.

"Last I heard Lena was kind of avoiding her because she felt guilty about building the bomb." Alex said. "Kara may be strong enough to get through her problems by herself, but she still needs people. She thrives off support. I don't see where she's getting it and I'm worried. Am I making any sense?"

"Kind of. Maybe Kara thinks she needs to get through this alone because she thinks you have other priorities?" Maggie suggested. "Try spending more time with her, maybe she'll open up."

"You don't mind?"

"Of course I don't. She's your sister. Besides on a selfish level when she's miserable you're miserable. And you're way more fun when you're happy."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	3. Chapter 3

_**-Three weeks later….**_

"You okay?" Alex asked Kara.

"Fine, why?"

"You seem a little grumpy." Alex pointed out.

"Have you tried looking in the mirror?" Kara asked, her tone snappy. Seeing Alex's raised eyebrow she apologised. "Sorry, just tired."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay, well do you want to catch a movie tonight?"

"No." Kara said quickly before adding. "I have to work. Snapper is on my case."

"Even journalists are allowed a night off." Alex reminded her.

"Not until I've met the deadline." Kara countered.

"Kara, you are pushing yourself too hard. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"I know how easy it is to throw yourself into your work to help forget your problems, but it's not a longterm solution."

"I'm not throwing myself into my work." Kara said dismissing Alex's concern.

"Do you really want me to pull up the Supergirl stories?" Alex said.

"There weren't any last night were there? Or three nights ago."

"True." Alex conceded.

"We both know Supergirl duties aren't steady, but I can cope with the workload."

"What about the reporting?" Alex asked.

"I'm working on a story." Kara shrugged.

"It's feeling like you are cutting me out of your life." Alex confessed.

"I'm not. I'm just busy. But even if I was, wouldn't that be a good thing? You have your own life to lead." Kara said.

"It would never be a good thing. You will always be my sister. I miss you. I can't even remember the last time we had a sisters' night."

"When this story is finished we'll have one." Kara promised. "But I really have to go now."

"Okay, but call if you change your mind about tonight."

"Sure." Kara said walking off.

"Problem?" J'onn asked approaching Alex.

"I don't know. Kara is a little grumpy and she is cutting herself off again. And I get she has reason to, but it's still unlike her. Especially as she seemed so much better a few weeks ago. I knew that was too good to be true. But she kept telling me she was okay. I shouldn't have listened to her."

"Her behaviour has been erratic recently, especially over the last week or so." J'onn agreed. "I tried talking to her, but I think I made it worse."

"She mentioned you were on her back." Alex said.

"That wasn't my intention."

"I know."

"Perhaps the pair of you would benefit from taking time off, maybe visit your mother. But for now go home and get some rest. Tomorrow we'll talk to Kara, together."

-00-

"You're looking tired." Cat said walking out onto the balcony where Supergirl was standing looking at the city.

"I'm feeling tired." Supergirl confessed.

"I assumed from your increased activity and lack of presence on my balcony you were doing better."

"I was. I found a solution that worked, but maybe it's not as good as I thought it was."

"Why do you believe that?" Cat asked coming to stand alongside Supergirl.

"People who know me are questioning me and my behaviour. But I don't understand how they want me to behave. I mean how exactly am I mean to act around them? If I hide my feelings they say they're concerned that I'm not dealing with my problems. If I let them see even glimpses of what I'm feeling they tell me I shouldn't be out there." Her voice revealing not only her frustration but also anger.

"But being out there helps?"

"I know it's selfish, but helping people makes me feel better."

"Nothing selfish in helping people." Cat said. "But the solution you talked about isn't just helping people is it?"

"No."

"And you're starting to doubt if it is affecting you, in a negative way?"

"Maybe."

"But you persist with it?"

"What else can I do? I lose everyone important to me. I have to learn to survive without them. This allows me to do that."

"You inspire people and bring hope. It is for that reason you will never be alone." Cat reminded her.

"It doesn't feel that way." Supergirl said sadly.

"Would it help to talk about this magical solution you have come up with?"

"Not really. I'm pretty sure you'd talk me out of it."

"Doesn't that imply it is the wrong solution?"

"Maybe. But it works."

"At what cost?" Cat asked.

"Anything is better than the way I was feeling." Supergirl said. "I have to go." With that she disappeared.

-00-

"When I said tomorrow I didn't mean three in the morning." J'onn said as Alex re-entered the DEO a few hours later.

"Well I couldn't sleep and after Brosnon called to see if Kara was with me I was never going to get to sleep, so there didn't seem any point just lying there. Has Kara turned up?"

"Not yet." J'onn said. "And she still isn't answering her phone. It looks like she has turned location off."

"Maggie went to the Dive Bar. She said she'll call if she finds her."

"Ma'am, Sir. There's a visitor." Agent Taylor said approaching the two of them.

"Who?"

"Maxwell Lord. He says it's urgent."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you for the comments. To the _Guest_ reviewer, _Cheam,_ _Detectiveben_ and _Anna_ \- Thanks, things should become much clearer in this chapter.

* * *

"Max? What do you want?" Alex asked.

"We need to talk."

"Now is not a good time."

"I think it is." Max said, when Alex just glared at him he added. "There may be a slight problem with your sister."

"What do you mean problem? What have you done?" Alex asked.

"We should talk. Alone."

"This way." Alex said leading him to a briefing room, as J'onn followed.

The second the door was shut Alex asked. "What have you done?"

"Before I start, I need you to stay on that side of the room." He said pointing to the far corner. "I'm serious, I value my life. I don't talk until you have moved."

"I don't have time for games." Alex said moving to the corner.

"This isn't a game." Max said.

"What do you want?" J'onn asked.

"A couple of weeks after the most recent alien armageddon thing your sister came to me asking for help." Max started.

"Kara asked you for help?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"She did."

"There is no way Kara would ask you."

"Only she did." Max said. "She needed something only I could give her. She knew you would never allow it."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked confused and concerned.

"She said she was in a bad place and needed to feel something real."

"What do you mean something real?" J'onn pressed.

"I don't know the details. She didn't share and I didn't care enough to ask. All I know was she was in a bad place and had a proposition to please both of us."

"What type of proposition?" Alex asked, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the answer.

"On a timescale of her choosing and with complete confidentially she would come to my labs and be locked in a special room made of an alien metal not even the Supers can break. Once in there I would expose her to very low levels of a substance that would allow her to release some of her inner turmoil, whilst I got to monitor the effects. After a few hours I would administer the antidote and she would return to her normal life."

"So what, you're her dealer?" Alex asked her voice full of distain and disbelief.

"Something like that."

"What substance?" Alex questioned. When Max didn't immediately answer she pressed. "What substance?"

"Red Kryptonite." Max confessed moments before he found himself on the floor being strangled by Alex.

"Alex that's enough." J'onn said tearing her off the billionaire. As he kept his arms in a vice like grip round Alex he asked Max.

"Why are you telling us now?"

"Kara came in last night for another round. Only when I tried to apply the antidote it failed. She's stuck in her Cat throwing state."

"You son-of-a-" Alex snarled as J'onn pulled her further away from Max.

"Where is she?" J'onn asked.

"Still at my HQ, secured in her cage." The comment causing Alex to resume her struggles against J'onn's grip before warning.

"If she is permanently damaged or if she hurts anyone I will personally kill you."

"I hate to tell you this, but it was her idea. She was already damaged." Max pointed out.

-00-

"Kara." Alex said stepping into the room that contained Kara's cell.

"Alex. I might have known you'd show up. Always there to suck the fun out of my life."

"We need to get you to the DEO." Alex said. "The antidote doesn't work on you."

"Perhaps I don't want the antidote." Kara said prowling the room.

"Yes you do."

"There you go again telling me what I want. Well now it is time for me to tell you what I want. I want out. Out of this life and your life. No more always cheery Kara Danvers. I will reach my potential, alone. Free from a pretend family trying to hold me back."

"Our family is real." Alex said.

"Your family. Not mine. You said it yourself, I'm not really part of the family. You view my involvement as optional."

"I didn't mean that." Alex said feeling guilty.

"Of course you did. While I need Red-Kryptonite to feel alive and say what I really feel you just need your father….or whiskey You were right I am either part of the family or I'm not, and we both know I'm not. The only reason you want me around is to give you control and power. Making sure I can never reach my potential. Growing up you controlled my clothes, what powers I could use, even my friends. When I came out as Supergirl I didn't get a thank you for saving your life I got distain and resentment because you hated the fact that I was finally going to reach my potential."

"That's not true." Alex said.

"Really? Then why did you want me to not go with Kal? You practically begged me to stay. I told you what it meant to go, but I stayed, for you. Even though I knew the only reason you wanted me around was to control me. To feel important."

"No." Alex protested. "I wanted you around because you are my sister. I love you."

"Yet the second Maggie came along I was forgotten. You couldn't even be bothered to spend my birthday with me. You don't love me. You resent me. You resent not being the star. You resent the fact that I will always be better than you and you will do anything to make me feel less than I am. Be it abandoning me or killing my aunt. I think part of you is glad Mon-El is gone so that you can be one who has a good life while I suffer."

"Kara, I know you are on Red-K and I know how much you are going to regret this when you snap out of it."

"The only thing I'll regret is letting myself being controlled by you again."

"This isn't you. It is a chemical reaction. It isn't real. It's wrong." Alex said.

"That's the line you are taking? Ever since you escaped Eliza's watchful eye you've been drinking. How is this any different?"

"It's not. That's why I know you are going to regret this." Alex said.

"The only things I will regret is coming to live with you all those years ago. You shaped me into what you wanted me to be. To always put you before all else. We both know I was conditioned to make that call with the bomb. While Kal would have let the Daxamites rule the planet to save Lois I didn't even hesitate and condemning Mon-El. I bet you and J'onn are happy Mon-El is gone. Nothing to distract me anymore."

"Kara, you need to come to the DEO. We will take you in by force if we need to." Alex said.

"And there comes your control attempts again. You really can't help yourself." Kara said just before she collapsed to the ground.

"Kara!" Alex said rushing to the side of the cell noticing a dart stick out of her back.

"It's okay. We sedated her, with some of Max's synthetic green Kryptonite, that we are taking possession of." J'onn said walking over to Alex. "You weren't getting anywhere and I wanted to stop her before she said something she couldn't take back. Let's get her back to the DEO where we can treat her."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	5. Chapter 5

"Kara?" Alex asked seeing her sister open her eyes.

"Alex?" Kara asked confused and unsure about where she was. Looking round she realised she was at the DEO and memories started flooding back. "Did I hurt you?" She asked looking for signs of breaks.

"I'm okay." Alex said. "But you're not."

"I'll get over it. I did last time. Alex, I'm sorry."

"For what? What you said or going to Max or the regular doses of Red-K?"

"You know?"

"About the nights with Max and the Red-K? Yes I know. You going to talk about it?" Alex asked her tone harsh.

"No. I'm tired. I just want to sleep." Kara said rolling over avoiding looking at her sister. Sighing Alex said.

"For what it's worth you are completely free from the Red-K." Still getting no response Alex took a deep breath before saying. "You were right, I set a really bad example for you. You've always faced your problems I just hid mine in a bottle. For that I'm sorry. But not as sorry as I am for the way I treated you. When dad came back I should never have said what I said. I shouldn't have abandoned you on your Earth birthday or at anytime. And I have abandoned you and I shouldn't have. The second you are ready to talk I will be there for you." She added squeezing Kara's shoulder. Just as she loosened her grip, Kara's hand reached over and grabbed her sister's hand. Taking it as an invitation Alex climbed precariously onto the edge of the bed and held Kara.

After several minutes Kara quietly asked.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"I am beyond mad." Alex said. "I mean you went to Max, that should have told you everything you needed to know. But it didn't and you kept going with your stupid idea." She explained before adding, her voice full of sadness. "But, if I had been a better sister then you wouldn't have felt the need to go to Max."

"No." Kara said turning round so fast that Alex fell off the bed, only saved by Kara's superfast reflexes. "Sorry." Kara mumbled as she set Alex back on the bed whilst she stood to one side. Not giving Alex time to say anything she continued. "This is not on you. This is on me and me alone. It was my bad decision, my weakness."

"Kara, you are not weak."

"I kept going back. I'm an addict."

"You are not weak. You are down. You kept going back because the antidote never really worked. Your system has had Red-K in it since the first session."

"That's no excuse. I should be better than that. I should be stronger than that. I am so pathetic. You are just human, but even without powers you achieve so much."

"And with powers you achieve more than I could ever dream of." Alex said. "But powers or not everyone needs help. No one can be strong all the time."

"I should be."

"Not by yourself. You are strong when you work in a team. You've always taught me that we are stronger together." Alex said. When Kara remained silent Alex asked. "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"You were happy. You were in such a good place I didn't want to bring you down."

"I can't be happy if you are sad." Alex said before reaching out and taking Kara's hand. "But I don't understand. What happened? Why did you do it?"

"I was tired of having to pretend everything was okay. I was tired of having to hide how I was feeling. Then I suddenly realised I wasn't feeling anything anymore. I was numb. And then, then I wanted to feel. So I went to the bar and got drunk. Only that night so many people died because I was too inebriated to help. After that I swore I would never do something so stupid again... But I still needed a way to feel, even temporarily and then I figured it out. It seemed like such an obvious solution. So I asked Max to expose me to a small amount of Red K. Leave me locked in a room then a few hours later give me the antidote. I was only going to do it once. But then after I was given the antidote I could still remember how good I had felt. How liberating it was. And then I figured I wasn't harming anyone and you and J'onn kept telling me to take time off so after a couple of weeks I went back. Then it was the next week. Then there were a couple of days between sessions."

"I still can't believe you trusted Max."

"I reminded him that you would kill him in the slowest, most painful way conceivable if he did anything he shouldn't."

"I may still kill him for what he did."

"I asked him to." Kara reminded her.

"And if he had even one ethical atom in his body he would have said no. He took advantage of you. And that is on me. I should have seen how low you were."

"I didn't want you to."

"Maybe, but this is you we're talking about. I shouldn't have missed it."

"You have your own life."

"Still not an excuse." Alex said. "We're not talking about you going to a bar one night and getting drunk. We are talking about you seeking help from someone who wants to kill you and then willingly expose yourself to a chemical that nearly broke you last time you were exposed to it. To do that...I can't even imagine what you were thinking."

"I just wanted to feel something." Kara said sadly as Alex hugged her before asking.

"You ready to go home?"

"Is everyone out there?" Kara asked.

"They are."

"Perhaps I'll just stay here until they all go home."

"You do remember the DEO is a 24/7 outfit?" Alex asked.

"Then I'll wait until a huge alien attack and sneak out when everyone is busy?" Kara suggested.

"You have to face them sometime."

"Is J'onn really angry with me?"

"No." Alex said. "But do you remember when we were growing up and I upset mom?"

"Which time?"

"Any. You remember the look of disappointment she used to give me?"

"Yeah."

"Expect that from J'onn. But I will be by your side every step of the way."

"Okay." Kara said taking a deep breath but as she opened the door she chickened out and used her superspeed to leave the DEO as fast as possible.

-00-

"You are going to have to face them sometime." Alex said when she finally arrived at her car where Kara was waiting.

"I know. But not now. I feel bad as it is."

"Okay, but Kara, hiding and putting it off won't help." Alex said before smiling slightly and adding. "Trust me if it did you would never see me." She then squeezed Kara's hand. "Let's get you home."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thanks for the comments. _Cheam_ , there shouldn't be too much more suspense, but there will be more angst and comforting.

* * *

"Hey." Maggie greeted as she approached Alex, who was sitting in the restaurant intensely looking at her phone as she waited for a take out order.

"Maggie? What are you doing here?"

"You sounded really down, I wanted to make sure you were okay." Maggie said sitting down.

"How did you know I was here?"

"The Find my Friends app. So what happened? Is it Kara? Is she okay?"

"Yeah. No. She did something really stupid, but if I had been a better sister she wouldn't have done it."

"You can't blame yourself."

"I'm meant to look out for her." Alex said.

"And you do."

"No, I don't, not recently. When she was on the Red-K-"

"Red-K?" Maggie asked confused.

"It's a chemical. It messes with her brain and gets rid of her inhibitions. She no longer filters out all her dark thoughts. Everything she has been burying simmers to the surface." Alex explained.

"And she said some bad things?"

"Yes. But deep down she believes them and as much as it hurt to hear her say it a lot of them were true. I failed her recently and I don't know how to make it up to her."

"Order for Danvers." Someone called.

"I need to get back, I don't want to leave her alone too long."

"Of course. Do you need me to do anything?" Maggie asked.

"No, it's fine." Alex said standing. "I'm going to stay with her tonight."

"Alex. Whatever you need from me it's yours." Maggie said reaching out and taking Alex's hand. "Whatever happened you two are going to be okay. Just don't sort this out alone. Lean on me and J'onn."

"Thanks." Alex said before walking off leaving Maggie to wonder what exactly had happened.

-00-

J'onn waited patiently outside Kara's apartment assuming the door would open. When it didn't he knocked again before he phased through the door. Seeing Kara sitting unmoving on the couch he greeted.

"Kara."

"J'onn? How did you get in?" Kara asked avoiding all eye contact.

"I can walk through doors." He reminded her before asking. "How long are you planning on hiding in your apartment?"

"Well Alex doesn't want me to leave until she trusts me again."

"And what do you want?"

"To go back in time."

"Unfortunately that's not possible. It is also not the most responsible way for dealing with screw ups."

"I know. I'm sorry I let you down."

"It could have been worse." He said.

"Doesn't feel that way."

"Kara you could have lost your temper. Gone berserk, killed a human. You at least tried to release your anger and frustration in a controlled way. But Red-K is not the answer, no chemical is. In the end, what helps more, the feeling you got from red-K or the hugs that Alex gives you?"

"The hugs."

"When I first came to Earth I was so lost." J'onn said as he sat down next to Kara. "I had lost everyone I loved, I had discovered I could not reveal my true form to the people of this planet. I was condemned to living my days alone and in a body that wasn't my own. I did and tried many things I shouldn't have. If it had been the time of the internet I may have forever ruined alien chances on this planet. As it was I found someone who could help me."

"Your monk?" Kara guessed.

"Not the name he called himself, but yes, my monk. He helped centre me. Gave me focus, perspective and direction." He said. "I had no one, but he found me and guided me. He saved me. What I don't understand is whilst I had no one you are surrounded by people who love you. So why didn't you talk to someone?"

"You all had your own problems and your own lives. You and M'gann, Alex and Maggie, Winn and Lyra, James was arguing with my cousin over Guardian. Lena couldn't look me in the eyes."

"That kind of stubbornness I expect from your cousin not you." J'onn said. "We're family. We're there for each other no matter what. No matter what you think I'm feeling you come to me. There is never an inconvenient time for family." He said pulling her in for a hug. "And starting tomorrow I will teach you some of the mediation methods I was taught."

"Does that mean you are not sending me to the shrink?"

"No. You will have daily sessions for the foreseeable future. The mediation is on top of that." He said as the door opened.

"Hey, sorry. I didn't know you were here." Alex said entering the apartment carrying a couple of bags of food.

"I was just leaving." J'onn said releasing Kara and standing.

"You don't have to. You can stay." Kara offered.

"Thank you, but no. Killing brain cells by watching things on that box does not seem constructive."

"That box is a called a TV and is your gateway to understanding Earth culture." Kara pointed out.

"The one thing I have learned after living on this planet for so long is that I have no desire to understand Earth culture, especially in the age of the Cardigans. Goodbye Kara. Alex." He said leaving the apartment.

"Cardigans? Did he mean Kardashians?" Kara asked confused.

"I don't know? Maybe." Alex said putting the food on the table. "Everything okay?"

"I guess. It went better than I thought."

"I didn't mean with J'onn. I meant with you."

"You mean am I suffering from withdrawal symptoms or do I have any deep routed cravings to be exposed to Red-K?"

"Do you?" Alex asked sitting on the coffee table facing Kara.

"No." Kara said before eventually confessing. "Maybe. How messed up am I that I actually miss the feeling? The same feeling that made me throw Cat off a roof and break your arm?"

"That's why chemicals are bad for you. They mess with your brain in bad ways and ways that make you feel good. Why do you think I drink?"

"If you know how bad it is why do you keep doing it?" Kara asked.

"Habit?" Alex shrugged. "But I'll stop drinking if you stop exposing yourself to Kryptonite of any colour."

"Really?" Kara asked.

"Really." Alex said. "So do we have a deal?"

"We do." Kara agreed.

"Good. But that only treats the symptoms. Not the cause." Alex said.

"I kinda thought that was obvious." Kara said. "It feels like the universe doesn't want me to be happy."

"That's not true. But if it was I'd say screw the universe because you are going to be happy again." Alex said as she moved to the couch and hugged Kara. After a minute she said. "When I found you, you said that you weren't really part of the family. Last time you were exposed you said we weren't really sisters."

"Al-"

"Let me finish." Alex said. "Growing up there were times when I resented that you had come into our lives. There are still times when I am jealous of you. And there will always be occasions when I let my emotions get the better of me and I'll speak without thinking. But no matter what I say in the heat of the moment you are, and always will be, my sister. I'm so sorry I have made you doubt that."

"It wasn't you. Not really. I guess it was inevitable." Kara said.

"I don't understand." Alex confessed.

"Eliza has been always been so kind, but you were the first person to make me feel like I could belong here. But deep down I guess I have always believed I'll lose you as well." Kara confessed.

"You aren't going to lose me." Alex said. "We are in this together for the long haul. I will always be there for you. But you need to come to me. You need to tell me what you want. What you need."

"I have no right to ask you for anything. You have given up so much for me." Kara said.

"I will do anything for you." Alex said. "Never doubt that." She paused and waited for Kara to acknowledge the comment. "But in order to do that I need you to be honest with me. I need you to open up and tell me how you are feeling. I need you not to put on a brave face. I need you to be my little sister."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:** Cheam -_ this one will also have angsty moments.

* * *

"Alex?" Kara asked when she woke up in her sister's arms.

"Morning." Alex smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. I guess. You're still here." She said confused.

"Your synapses are really firing this morning." Alex said sarcastically.

"I mean, why are you here?"

"I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"I would have been okay."

"I know." Alex said. "Doesn't mean you have to be alone though."

"Don't worry about me. You should be spending your time with Maggie."

"Perhaps I want to spend it with you. So what do you want to do today?"

"I need to go to work."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Alex said.

"Work makes me feel normal, well normal-ish." Kara said. "I can't stay here forever." When Alex just stared at her she added. "I'll be fine. Please I need to do this."

"Fine, but we meet for lunch and dinner." Alex said. As she heard Kara's stomach growl she added. "And we are going out for breakfast."

Before Kara could answer there was a knock on the door.

"Expecting someone?" Alex asked.

"No."

"It had better not be Max." Alex muttered heading to the door.

"Hey." Alex said confused when she saw Maggie on the other side of the door.

"Hi. I bring gifts." Maggie said holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something.

"You didn't have to." Alex said.

"Kinda did unless Kara has learned how to stock her cupboards and you figured out how to cook."

"That's low Sawyer." Alex said as Kara walked over to the door.

"Hi Kara. These are so you don't starve." Maggie said handing the tray and bag to Alex. "I'll see you later."

"Stay, please." Kara asked.

"I don't want to interrupt."

"You're not." Kara said.

Seeing a nod from Alex Maggie entered the apartment as Alex said."No guarantee you'll actually get to eat any of these."

"Something my arteries will be happy about." Maggie said.

-00-

As they sat round the table in silence Maggie watched Alex watch Kara, who sat frowning at her doughnut. "Are you sure you want me to be here?" Maggie asked.

"Of course. Why?" Kara asked.

"Well you two aren't actually talking." She pointed out. "And I know I don't know what's going on, but I kinda think you should be talking. Instead you," she said looking at Alex, "are staring at Kara and you," she turned to Kara, "are looking at that doughnut like you may hurt it if you eat it. Trust me it will do more harm to you than you to it."

"Sorry. I was just thinking." Kara said.

"About what?" Maggie pressed.

"I think I'm going to ask for some time off."

"That's a great idea." Alex said approving of the plan.

"Then I thought I'd go to Midvale for a few days." Kara added.

"You want to tell mom what happened?" Alex asked surprised.

"Want? No. Need? Kind of."

"You want me to come to Midvale with you?" Alex asked.

"No. I don't want you to get the blame for what I did." Kara said. But as she saw the hurt in Alex's eyes she added. "But perhaps you and Maggie could come up this weekend. I mean Eliza hasn't seen you since you got engaged."

When Alex didn't immediately respond Maggie said. "I'm game. It'd be kinda cool to see where you two grew up."

"Alex?" Kara asked.

"Sure, if that's what you want."

"It is. But I need one more favour." Kara said.

"Anything."

"I'm going to call Eliza today and explain. Will you be with me when I do it?"

"Of course."

-00-

"These layouts are awful." Cat said skimming the offering, before calling. "Goldstein."

"I think she means you." James whispered to a colleague.

"Uh, yes?" He asked.

"Send me an article like this again and you are fired. It is the quality I expect from the planet." Cat said. "Does anyone have anything useful to offer?" When she was met by a wall of silence she said. "Then go find something. Now! Except you Kara. Stay."

"Good luck." James said to Kara as he walked out with the others.

"Sit." Cat instructed when it was only Kara who remained. "Your positive mental attitude seems to have hit a wall." Cat commented carefully looking at Kara who looked defeated.

"That would be an understatement." Kara said.

"What happened?"

"I did something really, really stupid and hurt a lot of people."

"I'm sure it seems worse than it is."

"No. It's really not. The worse part is they have just forgiven me. They keep telling me it's understandable. But that doesn't mean it's justifiable. My foster mother just took it in her stride. If it had been Alex I'm pretty sure she would have be sent to military school, or at least the adult equivalent. Is there an adult equivalent? I mean other than jail." Kara started to ramble but as she looked at Cat she said. "Sorry, I'm babbling."

"Kara whatever it is that happened, if your friends and family have forgiven you it means that you still have their love and respect."

"But I don't deserve it."

"That is for them to decide not you. The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes."

"I'm trying. Which is why I want to take a few days off so I can go spend time with my foster mother."

"Take what you need." Cat said.

"Ms Grant. Sorry to interrupt, but Carter is on line one." Eve said entering the office.

"I need to take this." Cat said to Kara.

"Of course, I have to write my article anyway." Kara said quickly leaving the office.

-00-

"Would you like me to buy you your own chair?" Cat asked as she walked out onto her balcony that evening.

"Ms Grant? I didn't think you'd be here." Supergirl said turning round.

"Would you like me to leave my building?"

"No. Sorry, it's just I thought you were with Carter."

"You are incredibly well informed." Cat said. As Supergirl tried to come up with a reason why she knew that, Cat took pity on the floundering hero and explained. "His father took him to an astronomy meeting across the country. But I can go if you prefer time alone."

"I honestly don't know what I want."

"Your solution turned out to be as bad as you feared?"

"Worse. It was stupid. I was stupid. But once I started I didn't see straight. And although part of me knew something was wrong the rest of me was just happy to feel again."

"What was the solution?"

"Do you remember when I threw you off the balcony?"

"Not something I am likely to forget."

"My behaviour then was because I had been exposed to a chemical." Supergirl explained.

"I remember you saying."

"I exposed myself again, to small amounts, in a controlled way, with the antidote on standby. Only the antidote didn't actually work the way I thought it did."

"What possessed you?" Cat asked in disbelief.

"I made a decision. A decision that killed many of the Daxamite invaders and made the planet uninhabitable for all Daxamites, including someone I loved."

"I'm sorry."

"My cousin said he wouldn't, couldn't have made the decision if it had been someone he loved who was affected. But me, although it hurts so much, I know I'd do the same thing tomorrow if I had to. What does that say about me?"

"That you're a hero." Cat said simply. "That no matter how hard the decision you can make the right decision for the right reasons. That is something that most people aren't capable of." The two then stood in silence staring out over the city until Supergirl confessed.

"I've lost the trust of people I care about."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"My si- people I work with are watching everything I do." Supergirl said as Cat rolled her eyes at the near slip.

"Because they love you and they are worried about you."

"More like they think I can't take care of myself."

"There is nothing wrong in asking for help."

"On Krypton it was seen as a sign of strength." Supergirl agreed.

"Clearly your people were more enlightened than humans." Cat said before asking. "Was it human corruption that stopped you asking for help this time?"

"No. I didn't want to burden people with my problems. Especially my sis-"

"This is ridiculous. Only telling me half truths won't help." Cat interrupted. "I know who you are, Kara."

"What? No." Supergirl said before seeing Cat's expression and realising it was a battle she wouldn't win and said sadly. "Another thing I have failed at."

"You haven't failed. The objective of having a secret identity is to, I presume, keep your family safe?" When Kara nodded Cat went on. "I have no intention of sharing your secret. Your family are safe."

"Thank you. How? When?"

"As you'll recall I thought I knew during Dirk's failed takeover. But you and your Martian fooled me. I started having suspicions when both Supergirl and Kara started to behave differently during your last chemical phase. But it was during Myriad that I couldn't deny it any longer. Especially when your foster mother and sister got involved."

"I'm sorry I lied."

"I forgave Olivia, I can forgive you. But now that is out of the way, why did you cut yourself off from your friends and family?"

"Alex, my sister, gave up so much growing up to look after me and protect my identity. Her life, her career have all been about me. She finally found someone, who makes her really happy and, it's stupid, but I felt like I was being abandoned, and I hated myself for it, because she deserves to be happy." Kara explained as she played with the hand strap on her uniform. "The night that Mon-El left Earth Alex proposed and they are so happy together. But seeing them together reminded me of everything I had lost. So I avoided them. The more I avoided them the easier it got. Not just with Alex, but everyone. And then I felt even more alone. It all seemed to spiral out of control."

"You are not alone. You will always have people around you who will want to help. Use them. It doesn't have to be me, but I am always willing to help." Cat said as it started to rain. "Seeing no one else is here, why don't we take this inside."

-00-

"Where's Kara?" Maggie asked as she sat down opposite Alex in a restaurant across the street form CatCo.

"Inside CatCo. At least her phone is." Alex said glancing down at her phone screen.

"Which is why we are meeting in this restaurant?" Maggie guessed.

"Yeah. I know the Red-K is out of her system, but that doesn't mean she won't be tempted to go back to Max."

"The way Winn told it Max knows better than to help Kara again." Maggie said.

"I don't want to take that risk." Alex said.

"So why don't you go in and sit with her?"

"Then it will look like I don't trust her."

Maggie opened her mouth to point out that Alex clearly didn't trust Kara before deciding better of it. Instead she said. "I know Kara is in a really bad place right now and you are blaming yourself, but the way I see it some good has come from this."

"What?"

"From what you said Kara said things she would never normally say. Things that you had been oblivious to. But now, I know it hurt, but at least you know what Kara was going through, what she was thinking. Now you know, you can really help her."

"I guess. But then she is running off to Midvale. You heard her she doesn't want me there."

"Only for the first couple of days." Maggie reminded her. As Alex glanced at her phone again.

"What do you think she's doing? It's gone midnight."

"Just go in and talk to her." Maggie said.

-00-

"Agent Danvers." Cat greeted when she saw Alex wandering the floor plate.

"Ms Grant? I was just looking for-"

"Kara? She's in my office, asleep. You probably want to get her home before the cleaners come." She said walking off.

Confused Alex entered Cat's office and saw her sister, dressed as Supergirl, sprawled on the couch. Turning Alex looked for Cat, but she had already left. Frowning Alex approached Kara and gently shook her awake.

"Alex?" Kara asked confused.

"Hey." Alex smiled gently brushing hair off Kara's face.

"Where am I?" Kara asked confused looking round before realising where she was and what she was wearing. "There's something you need to know. Cat-"

"I've already figured it out, we can deal with that later. Right now let's get you home."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** : _Cheam_ \- Cat will have more advice for Kara in the final chapter.

* * *

As Kara entered the house in Midvale Eliza walked out into the hallway.

"Hi." Kara greeted nervously.

"Come here." Eliza said drawing Kara into a hug.

"I'm sorry." Kara apologised causing Eliza to pull back and cup Kara's face.

"Kara, what you did was reckless and stupid, but the important thing is you know that and you won't do it again. Right now you need to open up and talk about what you're feeling. Stop trying to protect everyone. Okay?"

"Okay." Kara agreed as Eliza hugged her again.

Finally Eliza pulled away and said. "I made pie if you want some."

"Chocolate pecan?"

"Would I make you anything else?" Eliza asked before leading Kara to the kitchen.

-00-

Having watched Kara silently eat a slice of pie she took the plate off her adoptive daughter and asked.

"Are you ready to talk?"

"Not really. I don't know where to start." Kara said.

"How about with what you're feeling?" Eliza suggested and then watched as Kara sat silently. Finally Kara said sadly.

"It hurts."

"I know." Eliza said as she pulled Kara towards her and held her until Kara was ready to talk. After several minutes of silence Kara finally spoke.

"When I first came here I had lost so much I guess I didn't even know how to start processing it. Maybe I was too young to really understand it. But now it just feels so much more real and raw and with every loss it is hurts so much more. And I feel guilty that I am mourning Mon-El more than my parents, my planet. And there's this fear that is building inside me. Whenever I talk to someone I'm asking myself when they are going to leave me. I don't think I can lose anyone else. I feel so weak, so pathetic. I'm meant to be strong. Why am I falling to pieces?"

"Kara, when we were told Jeremiah had died it felt like my world had been destroyed. I didn't know how I was going to go on. Jeremiah had been my rock. I felt completely lost. What kept me going was you and Alex. At first I told myself I had to be strong for you, but then I realised that that you two gave my life purpose. You need to figure out what gives you purpose."

"I'm Supergirl." Kara pointed out.

"Being Supergirl, being a reporter, they are jobs. What you need to work out what is most important and do everything you can to keep that or them safe." Eliza said hugging Kara tighter.

-00-

"What brings the Queen of Media to L-Corp?" Lena asked as Cat was shown into her office.

"I wanted to talk off the record and seeing you are avoiding me, coming here seemed the only option."

"I wasn't avoiding you. I was away from the city, looking at potential new laboratories in different states."

"You have been doing that a lot recently. Should we be fearing a world takeover?" Cat asked. "Or was it just that you were avoiding the City, or someone in it."

"What do you mean?" Lena asked.

"Your family has a reputation for being selfish and self absorbed. Traits that one person in this city has consistently said don't apply to you. Yet when they needed you the most you go into hiding."

"Kara?" Lena guessed. "Not that it is any of you business, but I'm avoiding Kara for her sake. Her boyfriend is gone because of me."

"We both know Kara doesn't blame you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be as good a friend to Kara as she has been to you."

-00-

"Alex!" Eliza greeted enthusiastically as she drew her eldest into a hug.

"Hi mom." Alex replied before Eliza released her and hugged Maggie.

"Hi." Maggie smiled into the embrace. When Eliza pulled away Alex asked.

"How's Kara?"

"Getting there. She's on the beach if you want to see her." When Alex hesitated Eliza added. "I know she wants to see you."

"Really?" Alex asked.

"Of course she does." Eliza said before adding. "She has missed you. I've done all I can do. Right now she needs her sister."

-00-

"Alex? When did you get here?" Kara asked turning to face her.

"Just now." She said sitting down next to Kara. "How are you doing?"

"Better. Two days of being spoilt, what's not to like?" Kara said.

"Do I even want to know how many chocolate pecan pies you have made your way through?" Alex teased.

"Only one."

"Very restrained. So how are you doing, really?"

"Fi-" Kara started only to stop herself and start again. "I feel like such a failure."

"Why?"

"Eliza had been married to Jeremiah for years and she didn't fall off the rails like this. I didn't even know Mon-El for a year. And half the time I knew him I didn't even like him. So why am I falling apart?"

"Emotions don't follow a timeframe." Alex said wrapping an arm round Kara's shoulders.

"I should be better than this." Kara complained.

"You have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself." Alex said. "Trust me it's the wrong approach." For awhile the two sat hugging in silence on the beach until Kara finally spoke.

"Alex?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"What I said. Red-K or not it was wrong. You have done so much for me I had no right to say that."

"What you said hurt, but it was true. I had abandoned you. I treated you really badly when dad came back. And although it was because I was trying to protect you I have tried to control you. But, maybe, sometimes it was out of resentment. I can't make up for everything that happened but we are going to get through this okay?"

"Okay." Kara agreed before the two fell silent again.

"I'm sorry I screwed up." Kara eventually said breaking the silence once more.

"Everyone is allowed to screw up." Alex pointed out.

"I can't afford screw ups as Supergirl."

"Maybe, but you can as Kara." Alex said. "And you can as a Danvers. It is part of being a Danvers, just look at me."

"You never screwed up this badly."

"Yeah, that's not entirely true." Alex said. "Do you know why I ended up working for the DEO?"

"To protect me?"

"Yeah, but I could have done that outside the DEO."

"Okay, so why the DEO?" Kara asked looking at Alex.

"During college I went off the rails. Really off. I was flunking."

"What?" Kara asked eyes wide.

"Instead of working I was out partying every night. One night I was caught trying to drive drunk, really drunk. That night J'onn came to my cell and offered me the chance to get my life back on track."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I was ashamed." Alex said.

"What about the near flunking?"

"I was meant to be the perfect big sister, the perfect student. I couldn't break that illusion."

"No matter what you do you will always be my perfect big sister." Kara said hugging her.

"But I'm not am I? I abandoned you."

"You're allowed your own life, you deserve your own life." Kara said. "I was just being selfish."

"Kara, out of all the many words I could use to describe you, like stubborn, annoying, bratty" she listed poking Kara in the ribs as she did so, so she knew she was joking, "the one word that will never be on that list is selfish."

"I felt pretty selfish." Kara said. "I mean I came into your life and basically stole your parents from you, then you gave up so much to protect me, then you finally find someone who makes you happy and I felt jealous."

"Is that why you didn't talk to me?"

"In part. I also wanted you to be happy and have a life."

"I have a life and you're part of it." Alex said. "My job is to protect you so let me do that and stop trying to protect me. You worry about the world and I'll worry about you." She added as the two leaned against each other.

"Wait, didn't Maggie come up with you?" Kara asked pulling away.

"She did."

"Where is she?"

"With mom."

"That explains the frown." Kara said.

"What frown?"

"That frown." Kara said touching Alex's forehead. "You don't have to stay out here. You can go in and stop the flow of embarrassing stories."

"Wouldn't do any good. Maggie would get them out of her at some point."

"True, she is a trained professional." Kara agreed before offering. "You want me to listen to their conversation?"

"No. That would be completely wrong." Alex said before saying. "Maybe just a few seconds." Alex then watched as Kara frowned in concentration before asking. "Well?"

"Well, if you want to drink this weekend I won't hold it against you." Kara said.

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing. Final chapter up tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thanks for the comments. _Anna_ \- thank you! Despite the angst I'll always try to inject a little humour.

* * *

As Kara flew into her apartment she was going to text Alex to let her know she was back when she realised her battery was dead. Frowning she looked for a charger when she heard a knocking.

Assuming it was Alex she was about to open up, only to show caution at the last minute and check who it was. Surprised she quickly changed out of her Supergirl costume before answering.

"Lena? What are you doing here?" Kara asked opening the door.

"I was looking for you. Do you want me to go?"Lena asked awkwardly.

"Sorry no. Of course not. Come in. I just didn't think you were around. I mean I wasn't expecting you."

"I'm sorry." Lena said stepping into the apartment.

"For what?" Kara asked confused.

"You are literally my only friend in the city. You have never judged me based on my name. And I repaid that by being responsible for making this planet uninhabitable for your boyfriend. I was so scared that you would blame me and hate me I've been avoiding you and ended up abandoning you when you needed a friend."

"Lena, the bomb saved the planet. And you gave the trigger to Supergirl. You gave her every chance to find a solution. Ultimately it was her who detonated the bomb, not you." Kara argued.

"I'm still sorry. And I'm sorry I've not been there for you."

"I've not exactly been good company so you did well being away." Kara shrugged.

"I'm really sorry." Lena repeated. "And I know this won't make up for it, but it is a small gift for you." She said handing a bag over to Kara.

"Potstickers? My hero." Kara smiled.

"I think you may need to raise the bar on hero definition." Lena said. "They are just potstickers."

"There is no 'just' when it comes to potstickers." Kara said as she sat next to Lena and offered her one. "Not that I am not really happy to see you, but why are you here?"

"Well, I had a surprise visitor in my office the other day, who pointed out I had been acting like a Luthor."

"Who?" Kara asked confused as she ate a potsticker.

"Cat Grant."

"Cat?" Kara asked eyes wide. "Why?"

"I think she was worried about about you."

"I'm sorry if she said something out of line." Kara said trying to imagine how the discussion went down.

"She didn't." Lena said. "She just pointed out that I was being selfish and a bad friend."

"No-" Kara started.

"After Jack, even when I avoided you, which I did, you went out of your way to check up on me. Even when your other commitments kept you busy you still found time to check up on me later. But I abandoned you to deal with the loss of Mike alone."

"I could have come and asked for help." Kara shrugged.

"You have taught me that part of being a friend is giving help even when it is not asked for." Lena said as there was another knock on the door. "Sorry you have plans. I should go."

"Please don't. I have no plans." Kara said as she moved to the door. "It will just be Alex."

"Alex, what are you doing here?" Kara asked opening the door.

"Your phone was off." Alex said.

"Yeah, the battery died. I forgot to recharge it and then Lena came."

"Lena?" Alex asked looking past Kara and seeing the CEO who waved.

"Yes." Kara said.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I am. Really I'm fine. So please go spend the evening with Maggie."

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. Charge your phone." Alex ordered leaving.

"Have I missed something?" Lena asked when Kara walked back to her. "She seemed a little…"

"Over protective?" Kara finished for her.

"Yes."

"Things got a little rough and I did something really stupid. Alex is worried I'm going to fall again so is keeping tabs on me."

"What did you do? Rob a pizza joint?" Lena joked.

"I wish. I kind of did drugs."

"You?" Lena asked eyes wide.

"Yes. And they made me say some really bad things to Alex and now she blames herself and is trying to put her life on hold for me, again."

"We have a lot of catching up to do." Lena said.

"Tonight can we just settle on a movie?" Kara asked.

"Of course." Lena said. "Whatever you need."

"Thanks." Kara smiled as she selected a movie. Just as it was about to start she asked.

"When did the pain with Jack go away?"

"I'll let you know." Lena said.

-00-

"Don't hover. Either come in and sit or go harass Snapper." Cat said without looking up.

Silently Kara shut the door and went and sat down on the couch and waited for Cat to finish what she was doing. Finally Cat looked up and commented.

"You are looking better. I assume the time you spent with your foster mother helped?"

"It did. It helped me process. Eliza has always had a way of making me feel loved."

"I sense a but."

"No, not really. She just also made me realise there was no quick fix. And she thinks I need purpose."

"Do you agree with that assessment?" Cat asked.

"I was sent to Earth to look after my cousin. But due my pod going off course he had already grown up by the time I arrived. He never needed me. I guess I have never really filled that void. I mean recently I assumed being Supergirl was that purpose, but Eliza thinks it is a job."

"Being Supergirl, saving the world is noble, but it is not a purpose, it is a means to a purpose. Start small. With something you can control."

"Any advice on how to find purpose?"

"That Kara, is the age old question. I tried living in a yurt, I wouldn't recommend it. But you'll figure it out."

"Ms Grant the board have arrived they are in the meeting room." Eve said entering the office. "Oh hi Kara, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Then I also assume you don't plan on standing around gossiping." Cat said.

"Right. Sorry." Eve said leaving again as Kara stood.

"Something else on your mind?" Cat asked as she collected her papers.

"Just thank you." Kara said.

"For what?"

"Everything. And talking to Lena."

"Telling the great and the good they are idiots is something I enjoy." Cat shrugged before adding. "But if you want to get somewhere in this world you need to learn to do that yourself." As they walked out of the office she added. "Don't forget our weekly meeting tomorrow."

-00-

"Where's Maggie?" Kara asked as she entered Alex's apartment that evening.

"Giving us some space."

"She doesn't have to avoid me." Kara said.

"I know. But do you want vegan pizza or vegan ice cream?"

"No."

"Then be grateful she's giving us space as that's what she was going to serve."

"Next movie night at my place." Kara said.

"That won't save you." Alex warned.

"You need to train her better." Kara replied.

"Because I love you I will not tell her you said that." Alex said. "So how are you doing? Say fine and I will order vegan pizza myself."

"I thought I was doing better."

"But?"

"I don't know. It's just felt like a bit of a rollercoaster today, well this afternoon anyway."

"Because of the shrink?" Alex guessed.

"And J'onn's meditation."

"How'd that go?"

"Not so good." Kara confessed.

"What happened?"

"I got kind of bored, then hungry."

"I think you are meant to contemplate life not your stomach." Alex pointed out.

"I tried that. I didn't like my contemplations."

"Why?"

"I have always believed that my mother put me in that pod so I could look after Kal. After I arrived and it was obvious he didn't need looking after, you all tried to make me feel better telling me that my mother wanted me to survive and be loved and be happy. I tried to believe you. But after Mon-El I guess I started to believe the real reason I was sent here, the only reason, was to look after at Kal. And even if he doesn't think he needs my protection that is still my job. Dating Mon-El, having a life was just getting in the way."

"So you think what happened was the Universe trying to get you to go back to protecting Clark?"

"It's what it feels like."

"Do you know what I think?" Alex asked.

"That I'm an idiot?" Kara guessed.

"Apart from that."

"What?"

"That you feel guilty for kicking Clark's ass and have weaved that into your Universe conspiracy theory."

"Have you been talking to the DEO shrink about me?"

"No. Why?"

"They had a similar theory."

"Not sure how I feel about having the same theories as a shrink." Alex mused.

"Amount of time you spend in with them, is it surprising you share theories?" Kara asked.

"I'm going to ignore that comment." Alex said before asking.

"Did they have any useful insights?"

"Not sure, but they gave me plenty to think about." Kara replied.

"Well I'm here whenever you want to talk."

"I appreciate that, and I do need something."

"Anything."

"I know I have given you plenty of reason not to, but I need you to trust in me." Kara said.

"I do."

"No you don't. You are shadowing me and trying to spend every evening with me and I love you for it. But you don't have to."

"I know that."

"I'm not sure you do. I want to spend time with you, but not at the expense of your happiness. I promise I will come to you on bad days, but there are times I need to process by myself."

"That's how you got into this mess." Alex reminded her.

"That's because I had convinced myself I had no choice but to go it alone. But I know better now. And I won't lie, it is hard seeing couples being happy. But it is harder seeing you making another sacrifice for me." Kara said. For a minute Alex remained silent until she finally said.

"I will stop shadowing you on two conditions."

"Which are?"

"You promise you'll talk to me if things get bad. You call at any time."

"Done. And the second?"

"Every Friday night we have a sisters' night."

"Okay." Kara said.

"But if I think you're slipping, I will move in with you." Alex warned.

"And if I think you are shadowing I will tell Maggie who your favourite band was in junior high. Because even though Eliza can't remember, I can." Kara smiled.

"You wouldn't. You know I can share far more embarrassing stories about you with Lena...and Cat."

"The difference is they expect that from me. Maggie would never expect that you used to go round signing the greatest hits of-"

"Okay. Fine. You win. I will tone down the protectiveness." Alex said.

"Thank you."

"You know I only do it because I love you?"

"I know." Kara said hugging her. "I love you too."

 **The End**

* * *

 **A/N** : Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoyed it.


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